joljol's

the verge of letting go.

2010-03-11T01:21:00.000+08:00

alrights. many stress. many tired-ness. many problems arousing. even between me n him, AGAIN. sick n tired. really duno wat to do. stupid thgs? waste brain cell? hur. forget it then. babyy's 2nd night at jackson's hse. he say babyy very guai.. zzz. isit true? i hope so. scared is babyy got keep cry but he nvr tell us. supposed to join angela and huishan for clubbing but stomach cramp and too tired. so went hm aft dinner at cathay wit sis n sarah. fell aslp on the cab hm even. i guess i'm just too tired. HAIS. i need a breather.

the threesome =)

jol & jan

sarah mei & sis

the greedy n naughty nah

cheryl with her cake

some pics of my lil' boyy ~

i loveeee his smile =)

see he yang o ? lols my cute babyy =)

stressed up

2010-03-08T01:46:00.001+08:00

woke up and sleep for the whole of today zzz. met up wit shir and alice aft wrk ytd for steamboat at bugis "xian de lai" saw roger ng yong sheng(my biao ge) and he called me "ah hui" !! wtf !! zzz. i didnt recognised him but i was like why tis group of ppl staring at me until i heard him shout "ah hui" zzz. reached home like 12plus? den 2plus dar came hm. aft tat we went yishun dem wit weijie, hao, en, hui ling, meifang, jackson, peng and shicong. zzz jackson lousy dont dare race der. headed to chop pang nasi lemak for supper. omfg i'm so gonna be fat soooooon.

bukit timah for dinner at 8plus today. afterwhich we send le le to babysitter's hse. anna is sooo damn cuteeee omfgggg. i love her eyes.

alot of problems aroused recently. disagreement at wrk n at home. like everywhere? hais. many decisions to be make, unwillingly. wat to do. i chose tis path myself 2 yrs ago. it's too late for regrets hais.

and haha. i hate ppl who think MONEY IS BIG FUCK. when they themselves owe ppl way back in the past too. sick n tired of having to put up with these ppl. yes, MONEY DOES MAKE THE WORLD GOES ROUND. but come on, live ur fcuking life lidat and u aint gonna hv no true frens forever. zzz alrights i'm getting abit emotional here. so i'm so gonna watch my tv now. ciaos ~

some pictures i took today.

alrights read carefully.

MY naughty lil rascal OHJIALE.

feels like giving up ...

2010-03-03T02:01:00.000+08:00

omggg i almost forgot i got a blog until a new fren of mine reminded me. zzz. too many stuffs for me to get bz wit recently, esp aft Y left. haisss. miss the times wit her. those times we smoked tgt, lunch tgt. zzz. hmmms kinda fed up wit thgs at wrk recently. feel like giving up sometimes. tell myself my patience level must go UP and nt DOWN. okayys jol, control my temper. started wrk one week ago. and its everyday home for me. except last fri went steamboat wit alice. but we didnt snap any photos! wasted! saw cassidy iris junzhao n frens at "xian de lai" steamboat then. zzz. alrights i'm kinda lazy to talk much abt the thgs tat happen for the past few days tho' zzz. let the pictures do the talking bahs ~~

me & sylvia

dinah & me (she's getting naughtier!)

alice, cheryl & me.

girls from the other branch. so familyyyy :))

alrights, the naughty lil' rascal's back again :))

happy cny (:

2010-02-17T10:06:00.001+08:00

many many activites. movies, eat, fishing, "rounding" ard. lol. valentines day nite 5 bikes, 7 ppl. 4 bikes hm. the day b4 4 bikes, 6 ppl. 3 bikes hm. zzzZZZzzz. why why why. anw, i've watched 72 tenants, litte big soldier and true legend le. gg watch 14 blades real soon!

ratings for the 3 movies i've watched :

- 72 tenants- 2/5 or mayb 3/5? funny show indeed.

- little big soldier - 3/5 also gt abit funny

- true legend - 4.5/5 but a few ppl say nt nice? i tink cuz of the animations part.

alrights, my loves (sunrise)

these ppl in vivo theatre doing wat?!?! lol~

can u believe? i actually climbed up and down these rocks!

the lil rascal keep say "broom broom broom" everyday lol!

i can be nice if you're nice. and nasty if u try to step on my tail. i dont owe u anything. so dont act as if i do. if it's nt cuz of ur toooooooot, u tink the others will put up wit you? -.-"

help

2010-02-06T01:43:00.000+08:00

nth much to blog recently. too much stress, no mood. a few random pics of the lil' rascal only. ciaos ~

gimme a break,

2010-02-02T01:39:00.000+08:00

just had dinner. so very stressed up. tensed up. worn out. shagg. speechless. shocked. angryy. frustrated. irritated. and yesh. my patience hv gained LEVEL UP. zzzzzz

and it's like a tiring long day for me 2day. sun last min went club atlantis. zzz. ended up rch hm nearing 4am. gg 5am den slp!! lucky he wake me up and fetch me to wrk if nt i tink i'll slp like a logg... i'm a pigg i knw.

me and yileen. me and jeanne. jeanne and yileen. US. at club atlantis, on a sunday. BOO~

all alone,

2010-01-31T23:27:00.000+08:00

been some time sine i last blogged. cuz it's everyday wrk n home for me. till sat night went clarke quay satay club for dinner! (: yummy seafood, satays and fried rice! 1st time there, and more to come! haha. *drooling* rch hm nearing 12am. fb till 2plus he finish wrk he come fetch me den we went jln besar wit en and hao for pig organs soup. yumms! ate soo much ytd. den went yew tee awhile den 6plus jiu home sweet home le. slept all the way till evening den got up! shit! i wanna watch the thai movie actually de. my ex. but too bad. he's gonna go wrk at 9plus so we went bukit timah for steamboat only. siansss. there goes my movie. next sunday he got wrk. tink no chance watch le. booooo.

struggling to hold on. the unhappy thgs i didnt blog abt. kept within myself.

en, dar & hao's bike

fireworks at clarke quay 30/1/10 ! (:

dinah says my geisha "fan bai yan"! wahaha

random pics of the lil' rascal

yumms

2010-01-19T02:06:00.001+08:00

omg m feelin damn superr hungryy till i cnt get to slp! i missed the steamboat and the AH CHEW dessert me n dar went to eat on sunday! arghhsss. wat time will my food b home? i'm sooo veryy tired to wait zzzzzz

hais monday was super like wrk non stop at wrk. monday blues~ wan die ler. back aching, everywher aching. like suffocating. zzz. but still, happy was how i felt at the end of the day.

p/s : come on. he act as tho' he's an actor and i'm the paparazzi. zzz

hello miss

2010-01-16T00:29:00.001+08:00

lol. i just cnt forget hello miss. wahaha. y is damn funnie. she n her weird fav quotes. "bu hao yi shi", hello miss, "wo xiang wen ni ar"..etc etc.. bz bz everyday so bz n stressed up hais! c coming bck tmr, like finally? zzz. many many question marks in my mind, thinkin over wat dar say. hais. wat shld i do?? stress stress stresssssss....

went to had my hair washed n blow and my fringe cut at super cuts cine. wa wa wa. damn exp! gg $50! goshhhh. aft tat went cathay eat wit shir and alice. whn gt the cab den realised i left my hp there! lucky the staff kept for me. dead worried. zzz. duno is unlucky or lucky aft all. shittt. ended up decided to take bus hm. save money zzz. broke girl, bo bians. can even fall aslp while STANDING on the bus. POWERRR. think really recently too stressed up le. tats y suffer from insomnia. zzz. wat for, right?

some random pics of my naughty babyy dylan (:

girls first day out

2010-01-10T00:02:00.013+08:00

haha. first day out wit cheryl n dinah. for steamboat at bugis! yums! it's like we really got to knw each other even better? and hope for more outings wit them! wanted to eat dessert aft steamboat, but the AH CHEW DESSERT was like FULL HOUSE. hahaha. too bad. cabbed home. and realise they don accept nets only whn rch hse downstairs! gosh! rang home and papa came down pay for me the $3 i owed the cab uncle. damn paiseh lor zzz.

and did i mentioned dardar sprayed his bike black? NICEEE! he says haven do hao. but its cuz i wanted it black. but funny leis, at first he said he hated black n refused to spray it black. now say cuz wanna surprise me, and tat i say actions speaks louder than words. just wat is the truth. *still having abit of doubts?* haha. but nevertheless, i'm still HAPPYYYYY =D

and yeahhh tmr is our 1 yr 9 mths anniversary =D loveloves!

my fav girl - dinahh. =D

i knw cheryl's gonna kill me whn she see tis pic. haha

my lil rascal. loves =D

tis was that day wendy help me make up for photoshoot de. haha but aint photogenic me!

why why why

2010-01-06T22:58:00.004+08:00

rch office early today. gotta go hq for the phototakings tgt wit cheryl. many many problems. J left. and many other problems. just why why why things bad are happening ard me and to the ppl ard me? i need a breather. should hv gone club today whn Z n angela jio. SHIT. i wanna burst ler, really. feel like it's a bad start of a new year. HELL. i kinda miss HER. those times she's ard. but i feel i really cnt und her at all, aft so many things happen in between.

who is fake n who is true?

many question marks floating in my mind.

= (

2010-01-05T01:53:00.009+08:00

nth special. ytd was my day off. and i spent it at home. just like any other normal days. was too lazy to go out. cuz he hadnt got bck his bike. yeah, and today he got bck his bike le. nice one =D work was the same old thing. Y was on mc today. wow, she has got guts isnt it. LOL. same old cycle. ALL OF US frustrated. but still, there's jol ard to cheer u guys up isnt it =D love love me right? esp u,D right? wahaha

time to get my hp changed i guess? cuz it's like virus-tic. zzz. it's like my picture can end up half of my face gone for some. irritating. wonder whats wrong? and thats the reason the plate of seaweed chicken i took ytd nite cldnt b uploaded! LOL. y wld i wanna upload a plate of seaweed chicken, right? BUT, tis one damn special okayys! it's the BLACK-EST seaweed chicken i ever seen! cooked by OH AH SAN. dots. bth him. real dumb dumb. real joker. but well, i still harts him tho' *smiles*

ya i'm here at wrk. CAMWHORING agn. while waiting for mex to wash hao face.

look at the SENSORED part behind. i tink only SF staff knw wats tat. wahaha

if u guys see carefully, my toe nail is chipped... sad case...

my broken nail =(

and YA. cam whoring again =D

OH YA. share wit u guys sth funny. bad experience of mine, and dardar's. we got fined on 30/12/2009! on the bus. for under payment. hell hell HELL. paid 40cnts lesser and lost 20bucks instead. shit lor. from causeway bck to panjang so near somemore. below is the receipt.

2 0 1 0

2010-01-01T22:02:00.012+08:00

the first day of 2010 marks the 9th month birthday for my babyy =D

spent the first day of 2010 at home. terrible headache, prob due to the beer ytd night. Zzz. tmr still gotta wrk. sians. nth much today. had dinner downstairs wit babyy and the i-ls. tats all. now think gonna cont gam-ing again. ciaoss ~

COUNTDOWN last of 2009. WELCOME 2010 =D

actually planned wit alice to join candy and the sf therapists to arena for partyy =) ended up the 2 of us went cathay for dinner. salmon sashima is yum, :) but it all depends on who u r eating wit. whn eat wit dardar(someone who don eat jap food) even the nicest salmon sashima also i cnt finish. Zzz. headed to shir's pub aft dinner. and yeah, as usual, camwhoring. haha. and countdown there too. 5,4,3,2,1... HAPPY NEW YR !! =D was kinda tipsy, headed home at 1plus.

2009-12-27T23:32:00.012+08:00

dardar did room cleaning for me =D my stupid face sensitive, had rashes for a few days le. think it's due to dust? Zzz. and me playing wit baby out in the living room. took a few pictures of the lil' rascal. wahaha. Zzz. walked alot today. from hm to bus stop. from beauty world to market. from market to bus stop. fcuking tired n pissed off. rch town at 7.30pm. went to get some neccessities for myself. and headed to cine to catch the 9pm movie. Alvin n the chipmunks 2! nice show! haha. booked the tickets online earlier in the day, just to get good seats. spent some time at the arcade while waiting for the time to pass. Zzz. and now i'm gonna watch my tv show. ciaos~

he refuses to take pic wit me! BOOO!

aint loved, aint gonna stay

2009-12-25T01:52:00.007+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

tmr no wrk. SHIOK. sooo tired at wrk today. sang 3 christmas songs tgt wit the two bosses and all the other staffs from other branches too.. had tis xmas lucky draw for gift exchange. mine was a perfume in return.. but haha, nt to my liking. Zzzzz. my kello kitty maggi mini cooker "guo" was received by one therapist from the other branch. SAD =( went for steamboat wit sis, sarah aft wrk. sylvia joined us cuz her bf haven finish work too. haha. bought a dress from cotton on! yippieeee!!! i was like waiting for the price to go down since last yr.. wahaha. took many photos. but sis n sarah haven upload yet. sarah mei drop inside toilet bowl le. gone missing. Zzzz.

mood spoiled today. thought thru alot.

AINT LOVED, AINT GONNA STAY. tats it.

***** SOME RANDOM PICS *****

life still goes on

2009-12-23T23:56:00.005+08:00

finished work at going 11pm today. hell hell HELL. and i took bus home! wahaha. if last time i is on call cab le everyday. cannot cannot. this mth super broke. yeps, wrk was still the same old thingy. getting angry cuz of the SLOW-ness. Zzzzzz. dinah's word of the day - FINALIZED. wahaha. damn funny. recently ppl at wrk are having this CHRISTMAS FEVER. lol. exchanging of gifts here n there. hiding the gifts n stuff like tat. well, it sure spurs the mood on, isnt it. ho ho ho merry xmas everyone. waiting for dinah to upload the pics she took with her expensiveee camera! =D

gift from alice! NICEE! =D

gifts from cheryl =D

gift from dinah =D

was never loved,

2009-12-23T00:12:00.009+08:00

work's no longer as fun as before. hais. met up wit yanie tis morn for some last min xmas shopping. hahaha ended up buying some gifts for myself. duhsss. was talking abt celebrating baby's 1 yr old next april. it's like in another 3mths plus time? fast wor time flies. emo, very emo. EMO-ING. suddenly i have tis feeling of LOST again. whyyy. no mood to update le. ciaos~

girls at wrk

loves my hair now!

gift from yanie! =D thankies!

first item from sephora! $18 (niceee!)

coinpouch from myphosis at nearing $20

some emulsion for face from skinfood bought last week. $30+!!

a gift from mexim

sry for the late update

2009-12-21T23:51:00.012+08:00

it's been like two mths since i even come to my blog. just wrapped those xmas gifts up.. woooooot. sooo tired everyday recently. work sucks now,seriously. werent like in the past whereby i really looked forward to gg wrk every single day. Zzzzzz. anw i took out my extensions like 2 weeks back? and had my hair dyed. like finally? wahaha. christmas's nearing. went shopping last sat with alice. spent quite a sum. BROKE liaos luhsss!! tis mth i really knw wat it is like to be real broke. i didnt even dare to spend money on cab le. if nt i really gotta live on instant noodles everyday. hell hell HELL.

went to the movies wit dar on sunday. like finally we can really go out. cuz past few weeks he's on mc,at hm recuperating his swollen feet. and i am like gg hm aft wrk for the past 3 weeks plus? gd gf isnt it. wahaha. sians. bz everyday wit wrk,cafe world and wrk.

couples retreat rating - 2/5

some random pics of my baby boy! =D

part of my collections! <3s!

today's a better day?

2009-10-19T10:42:00.007+08:00

hey ppl. imagine that's a boring movie. u can see from wat i tweet. it's like i almost fell aslp in the theatre. hell. gonna watch my sister's keeper tis weekend. wonder if it's nice? hmmmm.
bought clothes n shoes for baby. it's like he grow damn fast! zzzz. bought 2 alarm clocks for myself. haha. i've like 2 and a half alarm clocks now? the old one abit sot de? lol.
it's a start of another week AGAIN. time flies isnt it.

2 new alarm clocks. i wouldnt wanna be fined another $5 agn!

SOME RANDOM PICS I TOOK -

like father like son?

his new hair-BOTAK

like photo that been kept for 20yrs?

sis 21st bday

2009-10-18T13:03:00.006+08:00

went sis bday aft wrk. den it's like everyone couldnt recognise me except ah gu. lol. my cousin(ah boy) faked grandma i was his gf at first. and she was smiling so happily. whn she knw it was me her face turned black IMMEDIATELY.
imagine how i felt? hais..
everyone was asking whr's my baby.. so i decided to go hm bring baby dwn. sarah mei n ah boy acc me go hm bring baby there agn. happy. at least everyone get to c my son. like finally?
th n frens came very late. n baby was aslp in my arms. funny weidi woke him up by his shout. gosh. and they were there playing wit him. bunch of jokers. bth.

sis happy 21st bday :) hope u enjoyed urself.

my mummy n dylan

tai zi n xiao tai zi

my sis n my baby!

me n rach

dilemna

2009-10-17T01:46:00.006+08:00

dbl o ytd nite. dragged myself to wrk. wrk sucks. went cathay eat wit alice aft wrk today. yummy! she's really my best buddy!

there's alot of thots gg round n round in my mind. very confused. hais.

pretty s.f girls

comp at wrk

MOVE BITCH,GET OUTTA THE WAY

2009-10-13T00:34:00.009+08:00

yeah there are BITCHES ard me. Zzz. hell off wit them.
went steamboat with alice n shir on sat. too bad sold my iphone and my pics are gone! haven upload them even. sobs. we can just chat while enjoying the food for 3 hours! lol. 3 women = a market?
wahaha. sorority row is niceeee. went to watch ytd wit dar. ppl, u shld go watch it too! bought a new heels from heatwave(causeway point) they hv fcuking loads of different designs over der,mre than the outlet over at far east even. hmmmm. bought the bio-essence anti dark circles essence. as i've said. without my dark eye circles,i would b perfect. lol. nt saying my t****. toooooot. lol.

my 2 new rings :) loves!

the current "jolyne is addicted to" game

one of my collections

my baby

lost.

2009-10-09T00:23:00.002+08:00

very lost.
feel so stuck. depressed. speechless.
many many sorrows.
but NO ONE here for me.
he doesnt knw how to cherish me. i feel.
or mayb,he doesnt express his feelins out.
coming hm early sucks.
going wrk kinda sucks too.
only wonderland's here. thanks.
he's gonna b gone for 3mths.
it's okay.
prob within tat 3 mths i'll find someone new?
probably probably.
no mood. hell wit those ppl.
tired. of everythg.

2009-10-06T00:09:00.003+08:00

lol went granny's hse ytd. den went for breakfast/lunch cum dinner at ps swensen's. afterwhich hm to do cleaning for my room. and the ugly truth at causeway. zzz. quite a simple sunday. AS USUAL. B came fetch today aft wrk. afternoon shift tis week zzz. went balestier for bak kut teh. den hm sweet hm. crazy son of mine keep smiling to me. walked away,wanting to go get changed first. and he went crying. love him sooo much lol. B gave some irritating lectures. zzz. sians. another day as past,just like tat.

2009-10-01T00:01:00.009+08:00

went far east aft wrk wit alice.. wanted to get a new pair of heels actually but nth caught my eye. ended up did hair extensions. wahaha. loooveee my long hair now. didnt extend alot tho' cuz gotta tie hair at wrk. scared ltr very obvious the extensions. baby's now aslp on my bed. i'm gg to join soooon.. i wan watch the ugly truth! i wan my lv bag! haha. soon soon. coming soon...

long long ponytail :]

my new look

many many hairSSS

alice holding on to the extensions

meeeee

2009-09-28T23:34:00.005+08:00

haha didnt wet my hair and it looks like the last time hair i used to hv. tho,shorter n thinner. haha. cam whore agn. pinned up my fringe at wrk today. 3 thumbs up from yanie,angel n yongqin. shall pin up everyday! keke. went for dinner at mac wit alice den kinda anyhw walked ard. went sk jewellery. they cleaned my ring for me! yippie!! and nxt sun can buy new ring le. wahaha. cnt wait!!

SUNDAY

woke up at almost nearing 1pm aft several missed calls from yanie n sylvia. so shag can! went club at powerhouse the nite b4,tats y! all the ngee ann front desk ppl gathered at yanie's hse,including sylvia.. except for dinah. had fun there. brought my baby along. haha. dar was shy,as usual. act shy luhs he. haha. cabbed hm at abt 6pm. went out 8plus for steamboat n bought 1155pm tickets for phobia 2! so scary. but funny also. kinda glad the war's over too? :]

2009-09-21T22:55:00.002+08:00

lucky i got my hair straightened bck!! thanks alice for the company without even a word of compaint!! loves!!
thanks to angel for the idea of gg bck to the salon agn!!
hahaha. now just pray that i'll recover sooonn.....

2009-09-06T01:25:00.003+08:00

quite a boring saturday nite. returned hme early today. sians. finally paid my singtel bill and my internet got connected back. well pictures tell the stories. cam whoring aft wrk after changing at hydro bath n pantry. went suntec awhile den the crew room. lol. sf vs bd. heineken isnt my cup of drink. lol. yin cum fetch me hme wit her driver. and yes. and a splitting headache. and I'M SOOOO FCUKING SEH CAN. Zzz. ok dudes i'm turning in for the nite. BTH ler.

2009-09-02T19:17:00.003+08:00

haha can blog alrdy :) got max mobilevalue! haha all thanks to Pam. watched fd4 wit HIM. sorta quarrel wit him even before we go anywhere. sucks nor. lucky he nvr provoke me further. anw ppl, fd4 is not really very nice luhs. ok only lor? just tat super gross. eeyer. soo shag now. hope pay day faster cum... Zzz

nt in a good mood today

2009-08-26T23:34:00.002+08:00

everything went on UN-SMOOTHLY for me eversince start of the day. irritating cml sorta f me over the phone, got hung up on the line by another weird person. was it even wrong for me to get the details before i proceed?? DUHS. and great. my internet connection got cut off today. temporarily. cuz i didnt pay my bills for like 3 mths? or 2 mths? two weeks w/o internet den. so here i am, in xiaoyin's room using her lousy comp. LOLS. i wan go crazy ler!! my pics are in my desktop. so cnt post them into my blog. over here internet explorer cnt b used. the mozilla abit weird also?? wonder how they survive with this comp? and hurh, yang ran away agn. whole household worry abt him. cldnt find him this time ard. many many stress. nt enuff slp also. think wan fall sick le. no mood. gg to start EMO-ING again....

fcuk-ed

2009-08-21T22:48:00.003+08:00

i'm just too much in a FCUKING bad mood to solve the stupid posting problem for my blog. waiting for fren to cum fetch. aint coming hme tonight. he wanna test my patience. fine. my heart really die le. really give up le. nt gg to care. tis is the last time i'm gonna cry. for him.

fcuk.

2009-08-21T00:32:00.002+08:00

alrights. sth happened to the stupid blog posting page again. whatthefcuk. pekcek. i spent like 2 hrs plus choosing blogskin and editing html thingy. it's like. duhs. my shoulder aches. back aches. stupid weary eyes. now tis happen to me. den too bad gotta wait till tmr den can post all the photos le luhs. arghhs! i just now took baby's pic sooo cute nor. tmr den show u guys then. ciaos. i'm turning in for the nite.

i hate him

2009-08-17T21:44:00.016+08:00

seriously. i really hate HER! how i wish she can fcuk the hell off. kns. think she very smart. plss luhs. in future we shall c. for now i only can put up wit her. she wan break us up? u tink i'll allow her to do so? NO way! and HIM. treat me like tis somemre i shall really find a new replacement. we shall see. don think i can only b stuck to OHs. fcuk.

damn shag today. on call cab to wrk. cab hme aft wrk agn. BROKE. really broke. stupid guess bag cost me 200bucks and yet i used only once jiu don like le. shit. if nt i can get my iphone tis mth. hate him. for being so poor. i wan iphone also cant. simply too pissed off now.

anw. below are all the photos taken on sat. my advanced bday celebration in advance.
like dinner at cathay. den k singing at cine. life sucks still. Zzz.

thanks for the gifts!

BUDDY! thanks :)

shag

2009-08-14T02:14:00.006+08:00

argh. why only unlucky things happen to jolyne. dots. shag.
bought a new guess bag today. at 200bucks. shld i get myself a i phone? stress. tink i will buy that gucci bag online. dilemna.

my baby
-
tryin out my new dress
-

camwhoring at wrk. =*
-

happy anniversary

2009-08-10T23:54:00.018+08:00
SUNDAY - national day

ordered mac hotcakes delivery at 10plus. slacked all the way at hme. online. do face mask. rest awhile. den evening met up wit sis at town. sushi tei for dinner. grilled salmon. yummy! aft which went branded. the neverfull bag not der anymore! kaos. damn fast sia. went for classic mani n pedi. to cheer myself up. lmao. den went down bishan wit sis. met few others der. i miss my hometown!

tian hao & alvin
-
jianghe
-
mr cool (alvin)
-

gangster jianghe
-

den went prawn fishing aft dinner at prata house.

we didnt fish for prawn. we wait for prawns to come.
lol. sat der till 5plus.

see. alvin's talking bad abt me.
-
they say he's "ivanson kor kor" lol
-
sis & tian hao
-

MONDAY - 16mths a'versary

first destination to first tattoo after lunch at funan kfc. anthony kept di siao me. aft give birth i really cmi alr. cnt tahan pain like in the past. so i only did my geisha's hair today. and abit of her face?(anthony did w/o telling me)

went east coast. alot of ppl. so dardar fetched me to changi beach. wow. i tell u. it was as if my dream cum true. i nearly tear-ed. seriously. the blus skies. the blue sea. the clouds. and the planes flying past above. all my loves.

went tampines the new shopping mall after that. ate at dian xiao er. dar promised to bring me der eversince like 8mths ago i tink? duno why he suddenly will fulfil it just now.

went kent ridge park after tat. so scary!! so i asked him faster go hme aft we got to a dead end. guessed we turned in at the wrong slope. on our way back he raced wit one malay guy. damn scary nearly accident. so i asked him to let him win. i dun wanna die so early. just lidat.
and hais.. he pissed me off again. he's now back to timah. last min got wrk. so he went. dont he knw what i mean when i say day off?!?! DAY OFF = REST. i simply m too tired to bother abt him. fcuk outta my life luhs.

i wanna watch where got ghost?

2009-08-09T01:37:00.007+08:00
met up wit sis,tian hao,wei hao n few others idk de? den went here n then just to find an air conditioned place to eat that suits my liking. i knw i damn troublesome. went far east saw the neverfull bag at the BRANDED shop. dar say use my pay buy then this whole mth he support me! super happy!! wahaha. thkq u hur. for so "teng" me. hehe :]

but sth spoiled my mood still. fcuk everyone. they nvr gimme a chance to watch where got ghost? just now. can u believe. 9plus wanna buy tickets all sold out,only left the 1.30am de. den when 10plus lidat decided to buy for 1.30 de tickets also sold out! wtf!?!?! so ended up the rest go watch other show and i cab hme at 11plus. too tired lerrrrrrr

sooo damn tired now. turning in for the day liaos... shall update again! ciaos~

the zhi lian me
-
-

a new tongue stud from cine!
-

what's this face for? Zzz. shag siaaa
-

a lil notebook and 2 combs from more than words!
-

wahaha

2009-08-06T23:46:00.016+08:00

HAPPY BDAY "BAI TU" :]

wahaha. yeah. finally can post pics into my blog post le. all thanks to bestie juann. so smart. wonder who taught her how to fix the stupid prob anw? aft wrk gave "bai tu" a surprise. but dots. she isnt surprised at all. duhs lor. sang bday song at the lift for her wit some others. sat in her room for quite awhile before tat. talked alot. we were relating to each other abt our stuffs. and it's like leo/rabbit(the both of us) really kinda ... toooooot.. i will strive. with ppl ard me encouraging me i even mre won allow myself to fall. all my efforts will be wasted if so.

"bai tu" wit a duno wat face?
-

& me camwhoring lol
-
sylvia! imu
-

marlyn jolyne
*will b missing u*
-

& my cute lil baby dylan!!
-
-

he can lift up his head le
smart boy!
-

him chuckling away when i talk to him
-

haha so cute right?
-

feeling blue.

2009-08-05T23:12:00.001+08:00
what happened to my blog agn. today wan upload baby's pictures but cnt! fcuk. Zzz. spoil my mood. hais. today i learnt tat f left us alrdy. tho' know for nt long but she's a nice person afterall. take care, wherever u are. all the best in whatever u do. thanks for the roti prata the other day too :] on monday sth upset me. mayb i was thrilled to c "her". yet upon seein her leave i got disappointed. hais. will be missin u.

happy bday to my xiao bai tu. aft 12 will be her bday le. haha. nvr get her any present cuz i simply am so broke this whole week. lucky dar everyday gif me allowance if nt i DIE. lmao. met up with mingshun ytd for dinner at taka den r came fetch me hme le. lol the china guy saw us downstairs duno he will go tell mil nt. anw dar know le. everytime ppl send me hme i will update him de. tho' i gotta admit tis r/s is turning sour. hais. i duno what's e prob either. ytd he bought the "hai di ye" cough syrup for me. woke up at 6plus in the morn when i saw it i was touched. r also bought strepsils for me when he knw i sore throat and even cum al the way to fetch me hme. i was touched too,of cuz. but the feeling's diff. guessed only i myself knw y. just now he came but in the end i took bus hme myself. terrible headache. couldnt even wait for that 5 mins. so sry abt it. u made a wasted trip dwn.

saw alice at taka dwnstairs aft wrk. we chatted while she wait for karen. had dinner tgt. talked alot. abt my life story. my family. my sorrows. abt wrk. abt HIM. anw it's just abt alot of thgs. karen's trial closed. congrats. haha. and sayin abt congrats. wan to say to y n p too. haha. esp p. cuz that's wat she's been waiting for. to get confirmed. =] so when's my turn? Zzz. another 12 days. god bless.

yeah :]

2009-07-31T00:05:00.009+08:00
wahahaha. finallly can blog le. feelin great now. there's pics of my lil baby i wanna share too. but tired n duno y feelin giddy now. so shall upload the pics tml. went k box wif sylvia ytd till 2plus 3 after knock off frm wrk. she at first is jio me go club de lol but i wearin tee so i didnt want to. jus eat bao bao. full like hell. dardar buy bak for me den go bak wrk agn. sry s,was supposed to go eat tgt wif u but my feet hurts. it's like aft i recover frm fever 3 4 weeks ago i suddenly like undergoing puberty stage age lol.

many things happened. at wrk. at hme. me and u too. but still,i love wrk. love comin hme wher i can c my baby. and love u. appreciate the things u've done. can c the efforts put in.

using samsung star and c510. wanna buy lg arena or renoir tis sunday! so broke le now. how. Zzz. went shop n shop like nobody's business. as if i'm earning alot. stupid me.

some jap restaurant at iluma.
-
-
it's the idiotic him.
-
fake but nice right?
-

o2 skin products. CHEAP!
-

faceshop. spent abt 40 bucks for these.
-

IVI lashes. NICE! :]
-

fcuk my blog

2009-07-24T23:42:00.003+08:00
i reali feel like dying. duhs. i tink is my com kena virus or my blog or watever shit kena virus. kill me pls. cnt blog properly,cnt upload pics into my post even! wat the fcuk?!?! irritated siaaa...

today sooo shag. wrk full shift. all the way from morn to night. stupid 190 full like shit. the bus driver nvr even stopped at ngee ann's bus stop. boarded 171 instead,tinkin longer route hme also ok at least nt so packed when in the bus. but.... ended up alot ppl boarded at wisma tat stop. and one stupid auntie kept pushing me when the bus is moving. and hell. i nearly fall onto the guy beside me. 2 times. 3 times. and i bth le. on call cab den i alighted at dfs gallery. rather spent the unnecessary money den get pissed off aft a long tiring day.

pray for the two colleagues of mine to recover. god bless. karen super funny. she called up her mom or dad saying outta 100 ppl who has flu,55 is h1n1. den she warned him/her to stay away from those who has flu. bth. haha. and god bless to me. kena f me till my face cramp. on the phone. but it was enuff. i speechless. sry z,cuz i kinda blamed u. wasn't ur fault actually. i shld hv chk in the 1st place. hope u dun tk it to heart yeps.

and babe. i miss u. u kept askin what was that i wanna relate to u. but i'd rather relate when i c u face to face. anw,thks for concern. reali appreciate it. i reali hope u can cum back to na. u're always a part of me. and us.

hais. sooo long nvr blog.. so many many stress. at hme also stress. damn stress. a big mess a can nvr get myself out tis whole lifetime. i dun wan myself to b separated frm dylan. so i cnt go anywhr else. except stay. baby i love u so.

what the hell??

2009-07-23T23:48:00.005+08:00
what the hell happened to my blog. and yes. i'm in a good mood today. duno y either? today afternoon shift. letter to all staff by mangement. anyone with cough,flu or fever gotta go hme straight with mc. if no mre mc issued by doc den self quarantine at hme with leave. if nt jiu unpaid leave. wah wah. lucky. i nearly got sent back hme too. but just nice,my cough ok liaos today. if nt huh.. i tink i can die staying at hme facing that crazy woman. she's crazy, for god's sake. when i reached hme, i went to c my baby straight. only to kena ping ping pong pong by her stupid actions. lol. went to ask ah yang whether anythg happened earlier on. and yes. cuz papa dun wan go fetch baby hme earlier on. who ask her ar bring baby go karaoke. but okay luhs. i cnt b unreasonable. she need to enjoy too. cuz of baby she gotta stay hme everyday le. thanks lorr to her. but still,i won forgive her. i believe neither will she. lol.

way too happy

2009-05-16T13:32:00.005+08:00

ME - april '08

saw the pic above? it's taken one yr ago when i was wrkin in slimfit. and.. haha. nvr will i expect i'll have a 2nd chance wearing tat uniform agn! monday's my 1st day of wrk. i cnt afford to be late agn. nt even a single time. as i've promised kelly. and lydia. thanks lydia, the senior who take care of me when i was wrkin der. and now, the one who helped me get back to the company. tho' she's one yr ago den me only, i feel she's like so much matured and i really love her lots!

:( no money le.. so i sold my precious pixon M8800. hais. heartpain! cuz dardar went tekong w/o passing me his pay! anw, isnt his fault. cuz when he book in his pay still wasnt in yet. he passed his atm card to ah hao but stupid ah hao still haven transfer me! hell.

dylan's so naughty ytd. 4plus woke up hai me till abt 8 den get to slp. and i just fell aslp on the living room sofa. dots. woke up in shock at 11.15am. cuz i gotta go ocbc bank! if nt start wrk le jiu no time go le. ended up gg posb bank. long long story. abt the baby bonus thingy. duhz luhs.

anxious !

2009-05-14T17:40:00.002+08:00
went interview at recruit express, clerk post at pandan ave and another one at IMM office building on tues. saw lydia at ngee ann city's lift. went for a smoke wif her. and she suggested she talk to kelly abt letting me back to slimfit. ended up she say kelly will tink abt it.

today supposed to go for interview at ngee ann tower b and slimmingsanctuary too. didnt went.. cuz my left eye's in pain since last night. ended up abit swollen. 1plus lydia's msg came. and good news! i cld go down for an interview! reached der at 4pm.. was kinda embarrassed? kelly talked to me abt stricter rules for me, as they don accept ppl back for the 2nd time. and yes, all thanks to lydia (: cuz she really helped me alot. tmr will get the ans after kelly talk to wendy. hope i get good news.

GOD BLESS. pls.

frustrated

2009-05-11T10:19:00.002+08:00
few days nvr blog le. no mood. no energy. feelin super tired everday. dar nt booking out tis weekend. gg for his outfield today to tekong. last fri he book out to my surprise we din quarrel.. of cuz,i'm happy. it's like we were back to the days we just got tgt. ytd he fetch me to plaza in search of baby's milk bottle. on his bike. lol. i was his first pillion,as promised. but my heart was thumping so fast. i had no confidence in him at first. but during the journey back hme i was feeling normal alrdy. haha. he told me "ai zai".. afterwhich his parents fetch him to beach rd as he need to buy the neccessities for field camp. he was meeting his campmates der. so i didnt follow. cuz his parents bringing baby over to tpy maternal grandma hse for mother's day celebration so i rather stay hme. no energy to go anywhere luhs.

new phone! haha. samsung pixon M8800. it's sth similiar to F480. but of cuz,nicer and newer version. oh shit! forgot to pass dar my spare sim card. dots. his line gg to get cut off in few days le. two mths nvr pay. kaos. how forgetful of him also. lazy to upload pics. gotta flip thru classified for jobs le. tata~

yeah yeah

2009-05-08T11:59:00.002+08:00
today dardar bookin out in the evening. so if ltr i'm still gg for the interview i gotta cum back straight after. cuz leaving hse at 6pm to go fetch him. i'm sooo lazy can. dun feel like gg. dun wanna make a wasted trip. now i no confidence le. last time go interview one time jiu confirm get job le. hell the now me. dots.

haha. i manage to match the look alike meter using another pic. and the results is.. dada~

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities - Collage - Morph

i wanna slim down!

2009-05-07T11:51:00.008+08:00
managed to get an interview arranged tmr at paragon. hope i can get the job. but most imptly,i gotta slim down FAST. back to my actual size. if nt i gotta go on a shopping spree le. which i dun wan. cuz i got too many clothes now. it'll be a waste to throw them all. my lil' baby got a new "bed" - "yao lan". haha. ytd fil just made de. cuz mil also cnt tahan keep carry him. so now dylan will slp in his new bed in the day,and wif me on my bed in the night. jialat. i damn lazy can. i've yet to go to ocbc bank to open the youngsavers account for dylan. hell me. yeah yeah. can shake shake,shake le. lol. and hor, i tried the look alike meter thingy online. buay zhun de luhs. i tried using diff pictures jiu will get diff results de. duhz~

MyHeritage: Look-alike Meter - Family web page - Family tree template

DADA~ lil dylan's yao lan
-
-

naughty dylan's stupid face expression
-

soo tired

2009-05-05T18:52:00.002+08:00
asked mil buy straits time for me tis morn. called up a few of them. last min nvr go woodlands der de interview for admin position. went far east instead for 2 sales job interviews. sucky. went dazzling. wennie wasnt der. chatted awhile wif the lady boss and the malay manicurist instead. cab to hougang to mit jiemei. went medical aesthetics. last yr i went, was 143. tis yr 217. so exp sia. shall tell dar abt it tonight. actually meeting up teresa de. but jiemei last min say wan go the central interview. LOL. funny story behind. she kept ringing the company up. but to no avail. in the papers wrote "walk in interview". it was 5pm le. so we flagged a cab fast. THEN, she called again. the person answered. BUT.. haha. requirements was o lvls ALL PASSES. hell. hence, since we got on cab le so we headed hme. she to her mil's hse in hg first. she insist on passing me $20 for the cab fare. the total fare when i rch hme was 27. wow. damn exp nor! kaos. thanks jiemei for the long john treat too (: gotta get back to my vv drama show le!
ciaox~

mil's bday

2009-05-04T20:23:00.007+08:00
today's mil bday. but we celebrate for her ytd before dar report bak for camp. held omnia phone for one day. or less than one day? nice phone. but very difficult to use. back to my c902. touch screen's nt my cup of tea i guess? bought for dar his e51 first. nxt week when he get his army pay den gif him. i'll get half of his army pay as allowance. if nt i no money use also? thanks dar (: recently nt much thingy to blog also. same old lifestyle everyday --- look aft baby dylan. slp. smoke. watch tv. check my mails. tats all. now it's like so hard to get jobs. didnt c any jobs i fancy in the new paper either. sis says i shld keep sending job applications online. i'm sooo lazy cannnn!!! arghhs. but anw, if i'm back to the outside world totally. i guess i'll try to sneak go club. drink and dance! haha. and put dylan's into his care. he agrees to. haha. of cuz. who can control my life? no one. alrights. back to my tv. tata ~

mil cutting the cake
-

dar,mil wif dylan & ah yang(his younger bro)
-
fil & mil
- mil wif dylan
-

thanks granny & family!

2009-05-02T22:41:00.006+08:00
brought dylan for his hep b 1st jab tis morn. afterwhich went dar's paternal grandparents hse at fajar for awhile. went hme den 3plus in the afternoon me and dar jiu bring baby go my paternal granny hse. one of my cousin's baby just full mth nt long ago too. on the 17th april. their baby soo cute wor. but din manage to take any pic of him. special name too. lloyd's his name. stayed der till 8pm jiu cab hme le. tiring day. Zzz

dylan slping on lloyd's bed
-

naughty crystal. she's cutee!
-
85 yr old granny. loves!
-

granny's pet dog, a fierce bulldog indeed!
-

confinement's over

2009-05-02T22:32:00.008+08:00
o1.o5.o9 - baby's full mth celebration

mummy,me n dylan - i look so fat in tis pic!!
-

thanks sarah mei, mich biao mei n bf, sis & jiemei levon n hubby n their daughter for coming!
and luke cheung. lol.
and for all the gifts everyone! (:

1 mre day to baby's full mth

2009-04-30T10:28:00.008+08:00

ytd went polyclinic at 12plus. doc there says my womb still abit swollen. and i still bleeding profusely. so referred to kkh a&e dept immediately. sounds so serious eh? LOL. ended up at kkh till 6 plus 7. did a few scans,on my tummy and thru my pelvis. so pain siaaa!! tear-ed. cuz too pain!! hosp fees 100over. ended up report out everything's fine. doc insisted on prescribing wat iron pills for blood. cuz i "ping xue". but i hate medication,so told her no need for that. my heart so pain. spent so much money for nth. blame it on the polyclinic doc. say till so serious. hell. dar know abt tis den tell me he wrk on sun gif me his pay to tahan first. so touched. haha. tis is wat i wan. INITIATIVE in him. thanks dar (:

tmr baby's full mth le. and i wan go dye my hair ltr!! haha. and get my fringe cut. and hell. i cnt fit into my pants yet. I WANNA SLIM DOWN FAST!! all my shorts and pants size xs and s. how to fit in?! lol. kill me plss. dots.

dylan's chuckling away so happily
-
-

dressed him in two shirts cuz it's cold at kkh
-
-
yawning away
-
-

baby's unwell

2009-04-28T17:23:00.002+08:00

he can hold it himself. haha. smart lil' boy

poor dylan. feeling so uncomfy. alot wind in his tummy. diarrhoea once on sat, sun and today also. took his temp ytd. 37.1. lucky no fever. the first week he was born i didnt bear to even let him cry. so i attend to his needs IMMEDIATELY. however, recently he cried till he tear-ed. so poor thing. poor baby. just now 4plus brought him to fajar but the clinic closed. 6.30pm den open again so we came back hme. bringing him der agn ltr. now i already finding for jobs online le. so troublesome siaa!! hais! but bo bian? bought new paper just now but no jobs for me! cashier needed at st james. haha. but i cnt wrk night job le. sians. hope i can find a job sooon. god bless. me and my baby. and of cuz, HIM. for his tp nxt monday. haha.

she's crazy

2009-04-26T14:16:00.002+08:00
she's crazy. i won put up wif her nonsense. i told him. me and dylan won admit defeat. i can dun go wrk even de. i dun mind. who suffers? haha. him himself. he was nodding his head. but anw. i won bear see him so stress also de luhs lol. his hp sot le. cnt receive all my text. i tot he lied. whole week nvr receive den how cum can receive others de. den i tried. ya its true. but haha i fone expert. problem's solved. told him he got no excuses le. he went to bbdc le. 4th may his tp agn. he better jiayou. wish him luck. baby's soundly aslp now. i dun wan scold him from now on le. i will dote on him no matter how frustrated i get. (it's actually due to the weather. when i perspire,i get pekcek) sorry darling (:

i wanna dye my hair nxt week. but it's like. if i dye my hair how am i gg to survive? still got tis internet not paid yet. hp bill and stuff. hais. stress stress stress. nxt week it's time to find jobs le. back to the outside world sooooon!!

DYLAN OH JIA LE s/o JOLYNE ANG
full mth celebration on 1ST MAY 2009, FRIDAY
@ 1pM - MY PLACE

frens, if i haven text u guys abt it and u wanna cum,
feel free to tag me (:

survivor

2009-04-23T14:58:00.007+08:00

two days nvr switch on comp le. cuz everyday in mil's room watching ruyi channel on demand. nice and funny show. however tis morning wan watch jiu cnt le? vod no pic. chey. spoil mood. technician came but say gotta wait for 3days den will okay. hell.

ytd i went to bed at 10plus cuz i was super unwell. feeling cold, tummy der pain and gastric probs too. so i left le le to mil's care to coax him to slp. 11 plus woke up cuz like got tordano outside? so scary. the wind's like knocking on my window. 3plus knocked on mil's door cuz i was still unwell so i handed le le to her care. poor her, nvr slp all the way till 6am time for wrk.

hais. it's been 3days le. still nvr receive dar's call or text. duno y also? but nvm. I'M A SURVIVOR. i've learnt to b independent le (: tho' i cnt deny the fact i do miss him alot.. but it's okay. i gonna b the strong jolyne like in the past.

LOL. we everyday in mil's room with the air con. den ytd mil say le le will freeze to death if cont lidat so she wrapped him up lidat
-
-

and thanks sis and grandma for the beansprout pillow. and mummy for the delivery? (:
-
-

dylan can shift his body when he slp le. shifted so near me when i was aslp so i quickly capture it down on camera.
-
-

love

2009-04-20T15:45:00.013+08:00

love overcomes hatred.
love makes me forgive HIM for everythg.
the power of LOVE.
wow.
he went downstairs to drink wif wei jie ytd.
somemre bluff me he go buy things.
ended up i bo bian tok to him
cuz i wan shower, nid help wif my binder.
beer smell from his mouth.
didnt question him either.
knoe tat he drink cuz he's too stressed.
it's been a long time since i felt his hug,his kiss.
after he rch camp we tok on fone for 20 mins.
mayb i reali shldnt add stress to him too.
dylan start to bcum mre naughty le.
always wan carry.
den refuse to slp.
ytd night vent my anger on him.
scolded him.
den mil say "must be patient.."
i cnt, cuz i perspiring so much.
till i got mre pekcek.
nxt fri is his full mth le.
which means..
confinement's gg to b over! haha.
cnt wait.

some pictures of naughty dylan
-
-
-
his favourite pose!
-

his beautiful eyes takes aft his dad
-

he's smiling (:
-

tis song speaks wats on my mind

2009-04-19T14:56:00.003+08:00
i never needed you to be strong
i never needed you for pointing out my wrongs
i never needed pain, i never needed strain
my love for you is strong enough you should have known
i never needed you for judgment i never needed you to question what i spend
i never ask for help
i take care of myself
i don’t why you think you got a hold on me
and it’s a little late for conversations
there isn’t anything for you to say
and my eyes hurt, hands shiver
so look at me and listen to me because…
i don’t want to stay another minute
i don’t want you to say a single word
hush hush
hush hush
there is no other way,
i get the final say because…
i don’t want to, do this any longer
i don’t want you, theres nothing left to say
hush hush
hush hush
i’ve already spoken,
our love is broken
baby hush hush

no more words
no more lies
no more crying
no more pain
no more hurt
no more trying

NUMB.

2009-04-18T12:03:00.009+08:00

gastric probs coming bak.
recently my left leg damn pain esp at the kneecap.
rheumatism.
suddenly walk den kneecap den suddenly like "mei you li"
gave me such a shock.
ytd hurt till i cnt get to slp e whole nite.

NUMB.
everythg's a fake front.
asked myself,
y shld i play along wif the act?
i back out.
GAME'S OVER.
yes i'm heartbroken.
i feel as if my heart stopped beating.
told myself,
dylan shall b my only priority frm now on.
and i'll learn to wash my hands off HIM.

that's it jolyne.
JIA YOU! (:

sunshine after the rain

2009-04-17T13:13:00.010+08:00

ytd night i slp with a smile.
and nt teary eyes.
finally.
i duno if wat i did was right,
but all i wanted was to b happy everyday.
talked to him on the fone for half an hr.
we chatted like normal.
i didnt wanna bring up anythg anymre.
i'm tired.
if feign-ing ignorance can help,
i tink i shld too.
hais.
guess this is my fate.
and for the first time.
I FELT REAL FAMILY WARMTH in this hse.
and tat reali made me feel so much beta.
depression's suppressed,
when everythg goes well for me.
esp HIM.
he reali play an impt role in all tis.
i guess i only can face this fact.
TAT I'M STILL IN LOVE WIF HIM.
well, just let me stay happy tis way.
if tis is all i can have.
i'll make do wif it.

haha my angel for today
thanks sarah mei for visiting.
so happy that i can shower.
and for the strawberries (:

and here's some pics of my little prince
(he insists on being carried then he'll slp.
so smart of him.
once u put him dwn, he'll wake up.)
-
-
-
alsp after his milk
-
yawns
-

in my arms
-

he loves to look upwards
-

is he being curious?
-

my lil prince
-

i'm getting over you

2009-04-16T13:26:00.005+08:00

ytd night i nearly went crazy.
baby keep crying and i dun knoe wats wrong.
cuz i fed him milk,changed his diapers
AND even carried him in my arms all the way.
passed him into mil's arms.
knoe y? depression's back.
many nasty thots came to my mind.
i controlled myself.
ended up - he was nt full yet.
duhs. my baby's a glutton, for god's sake.
i tink my depression will get worse
is all bcuz of HIM.
yes. HIM.
how i wished i could bring baby and get outta his life.
but there's no way i can now.

girls, be like the past jolyne.
who dun put real feelings in a r/s.
and let guys die in her hands.
cuz whenever i start to love a guy wholeheartedly.
I SUFFER.
2nd time in my life i felt such hurt.
and tis time's worse den the first.
i'd rather b like in the past when ppl tell me -
"u change boyf like change clothes."
than now,
i can only tell myself -
"i brought all tis upon myself"

baby vomit out his milk agn ytd night.
and i learn nt to get frustrated.
(nt enuf slp = easily pekcek)
seeing him soundly aslp straight after he vomited,
I SMILED.
he's so cute. i simply love him.
everytime when i'm wif baby in my room
i'll either cry or smile.
TEARS OF JOY, or shld i say touched. (mother's love for her child)
and cuz he reminds me of HIM.
why the hell did i ever ended up having a son wif such a person?
was it love?
prob yes, in the past.
okay. gotta attend to my lil' one now.
ciaox~

everything's over

2009-04-15T15:41:00.006+08:00

dylan's 2 weeks old! (:

it's over between us.
yes it is. definitely.
receive his text last night.
"good night?"
what does tat means?
either he is feign-ing ignorance agn
OR i duno wth does his mind contains.

I GIVE UP. period.

i replied saying we shall communicate when there's a need to then.

ytd was like visitor's day. lol.
ingnesius came wif ben.
den after tat evening teresa came.
followed by my mum.
anyway,
thanks girl. for visiting me when i'm in hosp and at hme!
lol. u touched me.
esp when i knoe u're the super LAZY type.
wahaha. and for msg-ing me when u came upon my blog.

my mummy wif my son

last chance

2009-04-14T13:11:00.008+08:00
two days nvr switch on comp le.
have been feeling god damn down recently.
hais.
cried to myself whenever i'm in my own room.
the tears just cldnt stop flowing no matter how hard i tried to stop.
i didnt replied his msg ytd nite.
and after lights off he was still waitin..
at 10.50pm he msg agn sayin he gg to slp le.
at least he waited.
but i cldnt stand it when he feigned ignorance.
when will he und?
i'm giving him a last chance le.
told myself nt to b soft hearted anymre.
i just cldnt live wif such a person for the rest of my life.
no i cnt.
so it's either i solve tis prob.
or leave it.
sooo tired everyday since i gave birth.
le le sometimes cry after i gave him his milk and chg his diapers even
which made me frustrated.
and when he er ni i will heartpain.
cuz he sure feel very xinku de.
tho' i cnt help feelin pekcek too.

few pics of my darling son
-
-
-

his cunning smile (:

future thai boxer champion

he in my laps.
he loves to stretch

bought a new hat for him (:

i loooveee u my son!

he's nt the one

2009-04-11T20:06:00.003+08:00
LIES
liar.

他不会是个好男人
也不会是个好情人
你对我说我们只是擦肩而过
好的男人有那么多
少了他的日子也能过
我不会再让你寂寞
也不会让你更难过
你听我说要好好学着去生活
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过

but

这份情感如何还给你
谁能够代替你
我毕竟已付出真情

all i hoped for

男人男人
多希望你是好人
多希望用你的真
让我不必再心疼

it's too late for regrets

2009-04-11T15:10:00.008+08:00

he wif his tu tu.

brought dylan to polyclinic tgt wif him and his parents tis morn.
dylan had his jaundice test while me to cleanse my wound.
without the dressing it's like kinda hurtful,
but prob cuz i cnt get used to it yet.
no mre jaundice for baby le! (:
when the nurse took the blood test for him
he was crying so badly till i tear-ed too.
hurts me so much to see him cry that way.
went ICA to make his birth cert.
tot i cld b the informant.
ended up. N-O.
fcukin shit hell.
i hate him. yes i do.
i'm being too softhearted wif him now
giving in and taking it as nth happened
once,twice. countless times.
was it love that changed me.
i was nvr like tis in the past.
i aint the past jolyne when wif him.
i guess it's mre of a habit prob?
and tat i'm STUCK.
and Y-E-S i'm stuck.
duno why the hell i got myself inside tis shitty mess.
but i regret. i truly do.
can i just turn back time to 6days ago.
please?
i knoe i cnt. it's all too late.
i really had enuff.
i feel like i no longer haf the energy to suppress everythg within me.
not anymore.
the tap's switched on.
flooding.
i feel like i'm suffocating.
everythg's gone.
those happy times.
the love we had.
i'm letting go.
so now i've gotta say -
sry darling.
mummy's promise to u has gotta b an empty one.
mummy reali dun wan live life so upset all my life.
having the same thgs happening repeatedly.
i believe we can still b happy w/o him.
mummy loves u my dear.

he's all i wan in life for now. and ever.

he's aslp after the blood test and milk.

when the time is ripe

2009-04-10T16:28:00.009+08:00

jolyne, tell urself tat u aint gonna live tis type of life all ur life.
tell urself u'll strive.
AND U CAN DO IT (:
he was nvr the one, perhaps.
and they were nvr the ones, definitely.
very hurt indeed.
yet, suppressing my feels within my heart.
sadness. that's what i cld feel.
each time the tot lingers in my mind.
i start tear-ing.
cldnt control my emotions.
yet, not wanting others to see.
be strong jolyne.
for darling dylan's sake.
when the time is ripe.
we shall part.
me wif MY son.
and no one else.
just wait and see.

1 yr anniversary

2009-04-10T12:21:00.004+08:00
ツ happy 1 yr anniversary dar.. ツ
he promised to gave me sth special on our 1yr.
but i knoe he haf his every reason that i accept for breaking tis promise.
he rch hme at abt 9 i tink.
bought breakfast for me.
ate abit as gastric givin probs aft nt having dinner ytd.
had my shower.
well, i took a long time of cuz.
so shiok aft shower (:
as usual, he's slpin. lmao.
now he's aslp wif le le in our room.
my back start aching already.
but they nvr leave any space for me to slp!
tis pair of father and son! rofl.
head's so pain too. hell.

worn out

2009-04-09T12:50:00.010+08:00

very tired now. guess after blogging i'll go nap awhile. woke up at 7plus. tink in total nvr even slp up to 5 hrs. poor baby always er ni. daytime he'll b in mil's room so i can nap if i actually wan to. but i'll miss my darling! so i either stay in mil's room too or always go der c him every now and then. but today i reali wan collapse le. continue lidat i tink i'll fall sick wor. yeps dar will b bak tmr morn. lol. bth him nor. ytd keep ginger ginger wif me. i hate ginger! irks me. i miss dar's presence. haha. le le so cute. ytd slp wif folded arms. like his dad. and hor. his mouth very obvious is take after me luhs. and his sleeping pattern.

SOME RANDOM PICS I JUST TOOK
-
-
-

i finally caught him smiling on camera (:

isnt he lovely?

lil' darling's making me soo tired

2009-04-07T22:33:00.003+08:00
darling's asleep till now. mil say he drank his milk at 6plus. wonder wat time he's waking up for his milk agn? been 4hrs already and i'm super duper tired. after his milk den i'll bring him over to my room and slp. i gg collapse le. hell. managed to slp for abt 3hrs in total just now. tummy der still pain. damn pain. duno is cuz of wound or wat. i only knoe is the binder's problem tats y i cldnt even slp on my side even. gotta slp staright like a corpse, causing my back to ache even mre. hais. lucky dardar fri morn can book out le. with him ard i'll feel mre "an wei". i duno y. even when his presence irritates me at times. lol. cuz he and his tv non stop. he beta nt eyes on tv tis book out. if nt i'll kill him!

he's my everything

2009-04-07T13:36:00.005+08:00

he's my everything.

his first day out. to the doc's

ytd sis came over to stay. haha. actually wan cum b nanny de in the end she had diarrhoea and down wif fever. oh my. poor thing. i hope she gets well fast. and sis, thks for every effort u put in for me to reconcile with granny (: ytd night le le was very good, cuz he slp after i fed him milk for for the two times. until tis morn 6plus he start being yang-o agn. naughty darling.

darling's asleep all the way after his checkup till now. i tot i cld also take tis chance to catch some slp. but nevertheless, i cldnt slp w/o him by my side also. he's in mil's room. lucky for mil wo help me in taking care of baby. if nt i tink i'll be down wif depression agn. tot baby cld haf his jab today but cuz of jaundice he cnt. doc gave med for jaundice and his rashes. one checkup jiu cost fifty bucks le. i wonder how we're gg to survive. hais. god bless.

feeling better..

2009-04-06T15:07:00.004+08:00
so happy. tat i can lie down and get up from bed myself le. if nt sure die de cuz dar nt ard to help me up. i hope he able to take leave on fri cuz i still nid go my gynae der checkup den go make baby's birth cert wor. so scared nor ytd chat wif sheryl online den she say some caesarean still must take out the stitches de like hers. i hope mine is those dun nid de sia. doctor also very funny nvr tell me anythg much de. duno i pay him so much for wat also. hell.

wa.. ytd night really so tiring. finally managed to slp at 12plus den 2 plus baby hungry agn le. he make one sound only i jiu will wake up in shock. den 5 plus i fed him and chg him agn he still cry. make me so scared. scared he's nt feeling well or wat. it was my first night being a mummy ok. haha. in the end i went to knock mil's door. and lol. baby's still nt full yet tats the reason for his cry. den 6.30 managed to slp agn. but den he cry agn at 7. den all the way jiu wan me carry den will slp. i tink cuz he keep having nightmares. poor darling. hais. heartache whenever he cry lidat.

my darling's back!

2009-04-05T17:30:00.005+08:00

he's soundly asleep now..

oh my, i simply love him lots.

my dear lil' darling boy's back! (:
and i cnt believe i'm legally married this very day. shld i b happy or no? i duno either. i only knoe it's a lifetime thingy and nt like the past anymre whereby i can just say part so easily without any troubles. now. it's all different. but anyway, i hope i can gif my lil' precious happiness. tat's all i hope for luhss.

my baby's back

2009-04-05T12:03:00.006+08:00

lol. isnt he cuteee!

poor boy. it hurts me to c him lidat.

he in my arms (:

ytd went hosp visit baby.
and he smiled when i carried him!
lol. but dardar so slow nvr manage to take pic of him smiling.
his first smile. so cuteeee!
even mama also so happy to see him smile.
when passed to dar to carry baby will puke out all the milk.
greedy lil' boy. the nurses say he drank alot milk the whole day.
180mls without 6hours. lol.
must be when i was pregnant time i eat too much so he take after me.
ytd night dreamt of him. cldnt slp well.
miss my lil' precious.
and now dardar and mama papa go bring baby back hme le!
tues still nid bring him go c doc follow up on the jaundice.
my precious darling's back! (:

i'm bak

2009-04-04T13:27:00.016+08:00

my precious baby
Dylan Oh Jia Le
born in mount alvernia hosp
3130grams at birth
length 49cm
head circumference 34cm

he's asleep soundly (:

smiling buddha

he in his dad's arms

my precious lil' baby's born on 1st April 2009 at 7.49am.
the pain's so unbearable. till now i still feel so painful.
TAKE NOTE- ppl, if u're afraid of natural birth, dun even tink of opting for caesarean.
i did so. and i regret. the pain after caesarean is too much for me to take even.
well, prob diff ppl diff outcome. haha.
mayb is i make till my wound bleed tats y mre pain.
sometimes i wonder y i'm in love wif such a person.
who dun even und what i'm gg thru.
or even try to understand and care for me at least?
here i m in such pain, yet he can quarrel wif me.
i'm really too hurt. speechless.
i miss my lil' baby boy. poor him.
gotta stay under the light at hosp still.
it hurts me so much when i see him being blindfolded..
tears flow down my cheeks.
now i knoe what's a mother's love for her baby
how i wished i cld bring him hme wif me.
the 3 nights at hosp was like a blink of eyes.
i felt tired everyday. i duno y?
mayb the effect of the medicines?
carrying a baby for the first time, my baby
i cld feel all the pain's worth it luhss.
i hope for him to be able to discharged tmr..
god bless.
poor darling's weight went down!
i knoe it's common. but i still heartpain..
it was 3065grams on 3rd april =(

today's the day

2009-04-01T00:10:00.002+08:00
today's the day. it's gonna b the unforgettable day of my life.
tat idiot book out at 7pm just now. still say he in camp having lesson.
lol. was so surprised yet happy when saw him bak hme.
but also no diff luhs. he and his sleep. if nt his tv.
hate him lorr. idiot.

another 4hrs to go den i jiu nid go shower all tis le..
so anxious. dun tink i'll b sleepin lers.
now gotta fast ler. no food for jolyne =(
jus now diarrhoea till face green green. hell.
so long din see mummy le (:
so happy ltr can get to see her at least!

wish me luck.
hate it when i tink of myself staying overnight at hosp alone.

one mre day

2009-03-31T00:23:00.002+08:00
one mre day! la la~
cnt slp at all.
suffering from serious pre-natal depression i guess(or whatever they call it)
hais hais hais
counting down.
time like passing sooo slow.
mre n mre slooowww...
bth.

kill me and i'll gif u all my assets(as if i haf)

i'm mad i knoe. wahaha~

thanks (:

2009-03-30T13:36:00.004+08:00

3 yrs bak de us. so diff huh? miss those carefree days

thanks sis. for all ur support. lol. (i feel like a star saying her thankq speech)

hais. wed's gonna be the unforgettable day of my life. falls on april fool somemre.
slept for few hours only and yet, no matter how i forced myself, i still cldnt get bak to slp.
anxious? not sure. i tink it's mre of fear?
i duno why i'm so paranoid. depression's on the way to find me.
lol. his mom also says i lidat keep worry tis n tat will get depression aftertat de.
I'M TRYING nt to either. but i cnt.
dardar cldnt be der on wed for me. i understand. bo bian de.
at least he thurs can book out half day.
hais. BUT I SERIOUSLY NEED MRE MORAL SUPPORT!
lucky sis n mom will b der for me. if nt i tink i'd rather die.

the mental torture's killing me.

what a news

2009-03-30T00:01:00.002+08:00
called up my gynae twice in the night! lol. i tink he'll loathe me to the core. sry but i'm just too kan chiong luhss. i cnt slp cnt eat even. can u believe it?! I CNT EAT. JOLYNE CNT EAT?! how can it be right. alrights i admit i am a glutton. wahaha. tmr still must so early call clinic and arrange for appointments. sorta kena f by gynae. but pls understand what i'm gg thru. lidat carry on i really will go crazy luhs. ytd wan pour the canned longan also pour till my whole nightie kena. and i was like cursing away loudly TO MYSELF. i'm depressed, precisely.

excited

2009-03-29T21:16:00.005+08:00

gonna miss u dar (:
alrights. haha. jus got hme from sending him bak to camp. he with his camp bag (as if world war 3 coming den got ration) haha. full of food! cnt stand him. managed to took pic of him in his uniform b4 leaving for his camp.
hmmm.. tmr gotta get up early to call my gynae. mama also keep tell me to do so. no point dragging le. hais. i hope i wun end up disappointed again! sis, do pray for me :(

I'M JUST SO EXCITED. or shld i try calling now? rofl.

so tired..

2009-03-29T21:08:00.004+08:00

poor dar. sick till lidat.

ytd 1plus in the middle of the nite papa fetch us go sgh cuz dar fever on and off till very jialat. ended up 5plus in the morn den rch hme. soo tired. doctor gave him 3 days mc but he still insists on reporting bak to camp today.good soldier isnt it. take a look at his sickening face with the mask. just feel sometimes he really very "kiam pa". lmao.

hais.

2009-03-28T22:23:00.003+08:00
woke up at 12plus. diarrhoea. stupid tummy keep giving me problems everyday. his dad drive us to pasir ris to fetch dardar. his fever still nt yet subside, hence he slept when he reach hme. it's like it make no diff whether he book out or nt. 6plus we went to ten mile junction de sheng shiong whereby he buy many many food to bring back to camp. went dwn for dinner aftertat. and afterwhich his dad apply some ointment for him on his whole body. and now he's out in the living room lying down with blankets over him to force his perspiration out. hais. it's a boring day for me, as usual. just hope i can faster give birth luhss! hell.

shit.

2009-03-27T21:46:00.007+08:00
stupid butt and thigh of mine ache till like hell. arghs! everyday's the same old thingy for me. wake up in the afternoon. eat. watch tv. online. eat. online. online. slp. piece of shit. wah. dardar today so early jiu can use fone le. i nvr hear fone ring den he tot i nvr reply cuz i slpin. we were only msging each other again. his fever haven subside. but if he go sickbay tonight again he tmr jiu cnt book out le. tmr prob wif his parents go fetch him. see if i can wake up nt luhss? 2pm leis. so early wor. duno wat the hell he talkin. say wat mayb sat acc me den sun go hosp stay. irritating. den dozed off even without elaborating. PIECE OF SHIT. spoil my fcukin mood. sometimes i just simply loathe him TO THE CORE. hell.

"it's not abt how long we live,
it's about what we make out of it."

SO, we should live life to the fullest -- 最美麗的第七天

dylan's chinese name

2009-03-27T02:42:00.007+08:00
and yes. today i've decided on baby dylan's chinese name.
"胡嘉乐" (:
dardar's mom asked me abt it,
and when i mentioned 嘉乐 she was totally agreeable abt it.
so okays. here's my son's name.

Dylan 胡嘉乐

stretchmarks

2009-03-26T23:27:00.005+08:00
just showered. and realised sth terrible.

i've got stretchmarks!
even at my tummy i tink der's two. but nt very obvious.
those at my hips and butt are so ugly!

hell. hell. hell.

it was a mistake isnt it?

2009-03-26T22:08:00.004+08:00
i feel so down. ytd tummy pain till like hell, ended up slpin at 6plus in e morn. didnt slp much so ended up with terrible headaches. no energy to walk downstairs just to buy food so order mac delivery. took the painkiller doc prescribed. did helped abit. 8plus dar msg me. he was in sickbay ytd tats y cldnt use fone. high fever of 39.9 degree celcius. oh my. poor him. lucky he got 2 days mc. we didnt talk much on the fone. he saying he coughed till his chest super pain. so i tot it was beta for him nt to talk on the fone. i felt the distance between us so far. i had nth to talk to him everyday, only updating him abt wat doctor says. period. he can book out at 2pm on sat le.. i was happy. but was it cuz i dread the feeling of loneliness? i wasnt sure myself either.

feeling hell right down today. guess it's gonna be a long night again.

38 weeks pregnant

2009-03-25T22:29:00.004+08:00

and here's how i look now. 38 weeks pregnant.
believe me. tis top i'm wearing sure helped in making me look mre FAT!
dont u tink my body's too big for my legs?
dots.

disappointing news =/

2009-03-25T22:16:00.003+08:00
dar came bak at 7plus in the morn to take his helmet n stuff b4 leaving for bbdc.
so happy to see him (:
he says he'll b coming bak agn after his tp ends.
yeah!
i cldnt slp well.. prob too excited at the fact i can finally c him?
and at 12noon he's bak. got 1 hour at hme b4 he returns to camp with his sergeant.
poor him. his fever haven subside at all :(
cooked instant noodles for him.

back to my slp at 1 after he's gone.
soo tired... Zzz
he rang me to wake me up.
reluctantly, i prepared and cab down to tpy.
sis accompanied me. so many thanks to her :)
waited damn long...
to only hear disappointing news from the doctor.
i wasnt ready to induce.
hell. gotta go bak for checkup nxt week.

it's nearing 10.30pm and yet haven receive dar's call..
guess he nt able to use fone tonight?
i'm feeling down enuff already.
why cnt heaven just treat me better?

i just feel like dying.

"命定中的恋人"

2009-03-24T22:36:00.004+08:00

finished watchin 海豚湾恋人 le..
touching story indeed.
haha i knoe i damn slow cuz tis show is like few yrs history le.
wonder in reality any 2 ppl will be like "dada" and "小瓶盖" in the story?
i've always believe in fate.
tho' someone once told me fate is in our hands,
we can change fate if we wan to.
just like me and dardar..
i guess it's all fated.
the unexpected always does happen.
dar's so sick today. poor thing.
his voice and his tone tells me all.
i hope he'll recover once he opens his eyes tmr morning.
god bless.

mummy's promise to u

2009-03-24T03:16:00.007+08:00

cldnt get to slp still..
watching 海豚湾恋人 now..
suddenly tot of wat dar used to tell me...
about tho' we cnt choose the family we grow up in,
nevertheless we can choose the way we build our family in future.
so i promise.
my dear baby dylan,
no matter how hard it's gonna be,
ur mummy will let u grow up in a 完美 de family (:

boring day

2009-03-24T00:58:00.006+08:00

woke up at 8am just to call singnet to change the appt for the technician to cum.
was too tired.. slept till 3plus.
went down buy my stupid shampoo and ended up buting the wrong shampoo AGAIN.
fed dylan with duck rice and bubble tea.dardar can book out on wed!
yeah! but his sergeant escort him.
at least can see him when he cum hme take helmet (:
beta den nth. lol.
back to watching video online again. DOTS.

weary eyes

2009-03-22T23:14:00.003+08:00

met up wit sis at town and headed to expo.
tot finally plan fulfilled. YEAH :)
but. HELL HELL HELL.
went all the way from west to east
only to get disappointed. so duuuu lan sia!
i swear.
I WON STEP INTO THAT PLACE AGAIN.
went bugis after much consideration.
walking ard, in search of a nice bag or wallet.
but again, to no avail.
tired feets. (heavy leis my baby)
craving for ice cream.
shared choc chip waffle ice cream(with bananas) with sis.
see la. greedy la. ended up 4get take pic of my beautiful waffle 1st.
so it turned out to b like tis.

haha. well, but it's tasty ookay! (:
she refusing to let me take pic of her.
beware! lady with dangerous weapons. haha.
cab hme at abt 9pm.
same old cycle --- dardar msg came at 9plus and we chatted for awhile.
he say i like nth much to talk to him now le.
maybe cuz nth special happen also ba.
counting down. left 6 nites to his book out.
duhz~ another miserable night for me again.

gosh, tis dylan's really active at night.
kickin n movin so vigorously from just now.
OUCH! it's painful oook!